Parents are very influential in the development of their children. The “family” is the nest where children are nurtured, or sadly otherwise. Not always, but often when a child is having a “problem,” look to the parents as to the cause. If you are a parent, and your son or daughter is having a problem, this may not be pleasant to hear. However, if the solution is to be found, then the source of the problem must be understood and addressed.

Raising an emotionally healthy child that is happy and reasonable child is not only a challenge, but it is the challenge. Giving-birth is not enough. A parent is responsible to take his or her son or daughter into adulthood fully prepared to succeed as an independent adult. Achieving this requires three ingredients; love, skill and years of determined effort.

• Childhood depression/sadness.
• Childhood anti-social behavior
• Childhood anxiety/worry
• Feeling unloved, unconnected to his or her family
• Seeking attention outside of family
• The underachieving child

Accurate numbers that reflect the severity and prevalence of childhood problems, and specifically those caused by poor parenting, are not available. Serious problems with a child are often concealed by the family, opinions vary as to what constitutes a childhood problem and many parents are unwilling to acknowledge their role in causing these problems. Thus, quantification is not possible.

Aggressiveness

Seven-year-old Robin was aggressive. She would not cooperate with her teachers and often fought with her classmates. At home, her older brother mercilessly “picked-on” her. Nightly she was driven to tears. Her single mom worked hard during the day and typed medical reports at night to support the family. She simply didn’t have the energy to break up the fights her children got into.

Independence

Fifteen-year-old Greg rarely came home before one in the morning. His parents had no idea where he was and he would not tell them. When younger, Greg regularly witnessed his mother shaming and criticizing his father. His father would explode with rage. Many nights they argued endlessly. Greg felt ignored and uncared for. And so now he feels free to do what he wants. And what he wants is to be free from his parents, which in his mind includes free from all authority. He often skips classes and was once arrested for shoplifting.

Wrong Crowd

Thirteen-year-old Mark lived with the fear that his parents would “split-up.” They constantly talked about it and threatened each other. They would argue who would get Mark. Mark worried and cried as far back as he could remember. But now he has found a solution. He has made good friends with some older boys and girls. He enjoys the drinking and partying. It helps him to forget about his problems.

Suicidal

Seventeen-year-old Alice is a straight A student. She studies hard and deserves her teacher’s praise. At home her father drinks and her mother is depressed and seldom available. Alice is so embarrassed by her parents she would never even consider bringing home a friend. So she works hard to “at least” have a good life at school. No one would believe she is bulimic and suicidal.

Undisciplined

When twenty-one-year-old Danny is not sleeping he is screaming at his parents. He “doesn’t care” how he behaves. Growing-up, his parents gave him everything he wanted. They were completely unaware that in doing so his sense of entitlement was becoming greater and greater. He never learned to “work to achieve.” He failed at school. His mother blamed his teachers. His classmate labeled him a “loser” and girls wanted nothing to do with him. Now he stays home and alternates between sleeping, eating, and demanding from his parents. He is obese, lazy and with no plans for the future. It has gotten so bad that he has even assaulted his parents when they resisted or refused his demands. His parents call him “the terrorist.”

Treated

When a child is still young, good parenting techniques can easily shape a child for the better. However, once the child reaches his or her teen years, making significant changes becomes difficult.

The teen child is set in his or her ways, is emotionally seeking a life outside of the family, and is thus less interested in what parents say or do. When faced with a teen child with problems, positive improvement is still possible, however some parents have to settle for at best just managing their teen to avoid any further difficulties.

Untreated

Without treatment and removal of the causes of stress that create problems for your son or daughter can have disastrous results. Even young children can experience depression, anxiety, retarded maturation, anger, social conflict and much more. Often these problems become most pronounced (visible to others) during the teen years.

A young child is like a sponge and naturally absorbs all that is around him or her. Upgrading your parenting skill when your child is still young can easily prevent many potential childhood problems and directly contribute to your son’s or daughter’s success as an adult.