Are you and your partner happy together? Do you feel your partner is “on your side?” Is your relationship peaceful? Romance, sex; is it as you think it should be? Would like it to be? How about anger? Is your relationship calm, anger-free? Are you having “fun” together?

It can happen to anyone. It happened to me. The marriage that was meant to last forever, within five years was in a deep dive to hell.

We used to care and respect one another. Laugh together. We used share feelings and dreams and feel safe with each other. Our ‘love’ had romance, passion, excitement. And, like lots of folks, we would argue from time to time. Doesn’t everybody?

Yet somehow, our seemingly “ordinary” bickering went terribly wrong. Anger and mistrust got between us and now it was pulling us apart piece by piece—we changed into the type of couple we never wanted to be.

When we were together, Wendy would probe for details, finding fault in just about everything I did. She was always pushing my buttons; getting me all worked up and mad; doing and saying things she knew would get under my skin!

So I avoided talking to her, stopped telling her about my day. It’s not like I was cheating or drinking or gambling. It was just easier not to share feelings and ideas that she would anyway just shoot down, criticize, or make fun of. I would try to be calm (honestly), but would always end up fuming, saying things I wouldn’t normally say—hurtful, mean things.

It got to the point where we couldn’t be together for more than a few minutes before the merry-go-round of accusations, putdowns, and the digs “you always” flew back and forth; finally ending with a rolling of the eyes, an ugly gesture or a slammed door. I found myself snapping at my wife because I was expecting each conversation to sour and spin out of control into a confrontation. I wanted to protect myself by being the first to hurt—instead of being the first to be hurt. The couch became my 2nd address. So much anger, such painful loneliness! I was riding an emotional roller-coaster. I was scared!

Listen, I bet you were taught as I was that you do everything to keep important relationships healthy. You work on them; do whatever it takes to make them right. But I tell you straight out…I didn’t feel like I had a snowball’s chance in hell to be happy and make Wendy happy; to have a “normal” marriage.

By now the word was out. Wendy and I were in serious trouble. It seemed as if everyone knew our relationship was killing us. A buddy of mine stopped me as I was getting into my car at the gym. “Here,” he said. And he handed me a relationship improvement workbook and an anger control CD. “What’s this?” I ask. “Your ticket out of the mess you’re in,” he says with a smile. “Tony, I’m not in any mood for mind-games right now, I already have my fill with ‘the wife’, thank you very much!”

“Kevin,” he says to me. “Listen up. You and I are more alike than you think. Remember how Lisa and I used to be?” Boy did I remember? One or the other of those two used to always be in a stone cold silence or fierce fury when together in public. You felt their anger. No one expected them to last. Everyone wondered why they got together in the first place; they were always so miserable. But you wouldn’t know it these days though. From out of nowhere Tony and Lisa hung up their boxing gloves and grew into a lovey-dovey—”Perfect Couple.” And they have remained so good together that everyone just about forgot how bad they used to be.

So now that I am remembering all this, I tell Tony he really has my attention. Here is what he says to me…”This stuff I gave to you . . . the workbook and CD, I used them each day for a few weeks. All of it worked on me on a very deep level. Just by following a few simple suggestions and thinking about what I was doing, I found myself changing how I reacted to the things Lisa said and did.

To my surprise, Lisa couldn’t ‘make me’ upset like she used to. Comments that used to make me ‘fly off the handle’ and make my ‘blood boil’ were now rolling off me. Lisa wanted to know what I was up to—so she took the workbook and CD and used them. She started treating me with respect, I felt like I mattered to her. It all seemed too good to be true. After a few weeks, the positive change to our relationship was obvious to everyone.”

Some people think that life is something that just happens to them. Not True. Tony was telling me, just like I’m telling you, you can transform a rocky marriage into a loving relationship. So guess what I did? I started listening to that anger control CD when driving to work. At lunch, I studied for a few minutes the relationship improvement workbook, and that was it.

From the very first day, my responses to Wendy changed. Something she did—she got no hostile reaction from me. Simply…I stayed calm. And since it takes two to fight—we stopped arguing. After a few days, Wendy’s mood softened. Listening to her became easier; talking was actually happening!

Wendy wanted to understand, as she said, “what had gotten into me.” She took my relationship workbook and read it. She started to make me feel good. Now, we both understood that a good relationship comes from knowing how to be with each other. Really, it’s that simple!

Wendy now saw me as a strong man—in control of myself! She liked being with me. And I felt I was important to her—that I really counted more than anyone else. Suddenly, we were like two opposing magnets that had reversed direction!

I never meant to wreck my relationship or hurt Wendy. But slowly overtime, bickering led to criticism, hostility led to resentment. We both brought up separation. This is all gone now. Occasionally we have a tense moment. But it passes quickly. We greet each other upon waking in the morning; we talk during the day; smile and laugh; and lovingly wish each other a ‘good night’, often after a few moments of romantic fun.

You don’t need to live with loneliness, put-downs and anger. There is a better way; you just need to know what it is. Our teacher was the relationship improvement workbook and anger control CD my friend had shared with me. It really worked and it saved our lives.”

My name is Abe Kass, the author of the above mentioned courses and many other ones that address common personal and relationship problems. As a credentialed, “professional” marriage and family therapist—I am the real deal—not a ‘self-declared’ relationship expert whose sites being a motivational speaker, successful business person, spiritual metaphysic or ‘nothing at all’ as sufficient background to insert themselves into the lives of those in emotional turmoil and to tinker with their families.

Just as you wouldn’t trust a lay person to perform on you or a loved one a critical medical operation, so too you shouldn’t trust “amateurs” with your love, life and future!

As a legitimate expert of more than twenty-years, I have helped countless couples improve their relationships; guiding them in the science of how to transform conflict, anger and loneliness into friendship, harmony and romance. I want to help you with your relationship and family; regardless of what the difficulty is; how long it has existed; and in spite of previous attempts to “fix it.”