Anger Management Test
Take the Anger Management Test [and if you don't pass, get 17 free anger management tips]
Don't accept a relationship crippled by extreme anger. Don't put your health at risk by making anger your go-to-emotion.
There are available many good anger management courses, anger management books, anger management workbooks, anger management exercises and more. At the end of this anger management test you can find information about getting help.
The results from this anger management test are immediately. This Anger Test is completely free and private.
You have taken the anger management test. Now what?
If you got even one answer wrong this means you need anger management training. Each one of those questions were examples of extreme anger and if you got one or more wrong, now you need to take direct action for your sake and the well-being of those you love
Take a look below at my anger management tips infographic and then read the 17 tips for controlling extreme anger.
17 Anger Management Tips to Help You Stay Calm
1. Stay calm in all situations
Your goal is never to become angry. The best way to never become angry is by always remaining calm. Make this commitment to yourself and others and you are on your way to personal and relationship success.
Respond to others with love, kindness, empathy, curiosity, assertiveness, and sensitivity. Hold back from sending out anger and its close relatives: irritation, impatience, or meanness.
2. Stay calm when someone is angry with you
You come home and without uttering even one word, your teenage daughter screams out that you are a horrible parent. Remain calm. Ignore her or educate her to speak politely, but don’t let her upset you.
Reason with yourself; explain that anger is a personal problem. Then, when someone gets angry, consider it as his or her problem and that he or she is revealing their personal deficiencies and destructive behaviors. Ignore it or discuss it with them, but only when both of you are calm.
3. Stay calm when insulted
Your spouse tells you that you don’t care about the kids. If you want, ask her what he or she means, but stay calm. Don’t get defensive; this can lead to anger. Wait until you are completely calm before entering into a thoughtful conversation.
Often the surest way to avoid anger is to ignore provocation. Let the offensive comment pass or wait until another time when both of you are calm to discuss your feelings about what was said.
4. Stay calm even if someone takes advantage of you
You are carefully driving on the highway and leave space between your car and the car ahead of you. Suddenly someone cuts in front of you for no clear reason and forces you to jam on the brakes. Stay calm and realize that it is not worth getting into an accident. Don't recklessly try to regain your place.
Sometimes the price of justice is just too high. It is foolish to risk your life or reputation to get what you feel is rightfully yours.
A rude or selfish person will always have relationship problems. They will suffer because of the anger and resentment they will evoke in others. The hostility directed at them will be a natural self‐inflicted punishment.
Better you stay safe and walk away from the situation that could lead to a fight and injury.
5. Stay calm when things don’t go your way
At work, a less capable colleague gets a promotion because he or she is friendlier with the owner of the company. Although it is unfair that you are passed over, since hard work should be rewarded, it is to your disadvantage to get angry. If you instigate an argument over being passed over it could lead to your being fired. See the big picture before reacting.
Consider losing a few small battles along the way to winning the big war. Setbacks, when understood properly, can actually strengthen you.
Take charge of your life and only object when doing so promotes your goals.
6. Stay calm when lied to
Your sister‐in‐law cancels lunch with you, explaining she doesn’t feel well. Later, you find out she went shopping with a friend, choosing her companionship over yours. If you angrily confront her, she will either continue lying to justify herself or give a silly excuse that will only make you feel worse. You will have to live with her for many years since she is family. It is better not to get angry and risk turning her into an enemy. Yes, if you want, calmly talk to her about it. But the main lesson learned is not to count on her in the future.
Everyday experience should give you an opportunity to learn about people. The data you collect will serve you well in the future. Automatically getting angry with someone who lies to you limits interaction with him or her in the future. You can challenge a liar, or ignore a liar—but whatever you do, do it calmly.
7. Stay calm when treated disrespectfully
Your wife introduces you to a wealthy cousin. Shaking your hand, he doesn’t even look at you, as if to say, "You’re not even worth considering." Rather than getting angry, tell yourself his arrogance is his problem, not yours. Don’t spoil your mood by getting angry with him! He’s not worth it.
Some people are arrogant and rude; that’s life. Rather than resist, learn to live with this fact. You can choose not to include such people in your circle of friends.
8. Stay calm when you are misunderstood
In the morning, your husband tells you he is going to be working late and will come home at 8:00 P.M. You want to surprise him with a warm meal when he arrives home. He calls you from his car, saying he just had dinner with his most important client and that the meeting went very well. You are hurt because you worked hard preparing him a beautiful meal. He understood that telling you he was coming home late implied that he would have dinner out.
Consider what happened an innocent misunderstanding and avoid an angry reaction. If you remain calm, when your husband arrives home you can still enjoy the rest of the evening together. Later, when you are both calm, you can talk to him with respect about how to improve communication.
Misunderstandings happen all the time. Every person has a unique mind. We all understand things differently. Don’t ruin your relationships by being judgmental and angry. For everyone’s sake, it is better to accept the present moment and later figure out how to avoid a similar problem in the future.
9. Stay calm if, in your opinion, someone behaves like an idiot
One of your neighbors gets drunk at a party. He teases and taunts you. You feel embarrassed. Everyone knows he is a fool. Still, it is tempting to put him in his place. The best you can do in this situation is to remain quiet until he goes away or avoid him by leaving the room. If someone acts like an idiot, just let them be. If you get angry, it will only show that you too are an idiot!
10. Don't talk when angry
Words spoken, when angry, are like air is to fire. Speaking when angry is like fanning the flames. When angry, the best thing to do is to stop talking and remain silent. Put your mouth into "lock-down" and let the anger die down just as a fire dies when deprived of air. So too, anger without words has no future!
When angry, think of your lips as gates and keep them closed. Once you have calmed down, if you still think your thoughts are pertinent, try speaking again. Discuss the topic calmly and respectfully. If anger reemerges, retreat again to your former "lock-down" position.
Make a deal with yourself: If this is an important topic worthy of discussion, I must stay calm or I will forfeit the right to an opinion. If you want to be a person of influence take the position with yourself that you must be a person of self-control.
11. Think before you speak
Typically, couples don't spend that much time together. The few words spoken each day that are responsible for creating the positive experience of "being in the relationship." On the other hand, when the experience is negative—filled with anger, resentment and disappointment—the relationship will be unpleasant.
In all committed and healthy relationships, words need to build love, peace, and harmony. Direct your words toward that goal. Do yourself a favor: Think before you speak!
Consider: When you send off an important email how you carefully review it before you click the send button, knowing that once your message is sent you can never get it back. You are well advised to use the same caution before sending words out of your mouth.
The fundamental principal is that words have a great impact on others, as well as yourself. Words create how you feel about yourself and help or hinder the achievement of your important goals. Make sure your words propel you toward your desired goal.
Simply, think before you speak. Always speak respectfully and keep in mind the other person’s feelings. You want your spouse to feel comfortable and close to you. Make sure your words consistently support this goal.
The following are guidelines on how to use words to build your relationship:
You are responsible for the meaning of your words
Sloppy communication can lead to confusion, which can easily slip into angry words. If the topic is important—and thus worthy of your time—make sure your words are clear and easily understood.
What is most important is not how YOU understand your words, but rather how your PARTNER understands them. If he or she doesn't understand or misunderstands—then there is something wrong with YOUR WORDS. When this happens, use different words or use your words in another way to express your thoughts. Sometimes it may even take several attempts to get it right!
12. Notify others that today is "a bad day"
We all occasionally have "bad days." When we do, it is important to take responsibility for them and make sure that we don’t get angry and injure innocent people. Inform others—using your calm words—that you need your space so you can keep your "bad day" to yourself. On these days, keep your conversations and interactions with others to a minimum. When you do need to speak, carefully monitor your mood, tone, and words to make sure you don't express any anger.
13. Use your words to avoid misunderstandings
Misunderstandings are one of the most common triggers of anger. Fortunately, with a little effort, most misunderstandings can be avoided. Sometimes this includes a deliberate effort to learn more about communication and the effective use of words.
- The following are some common causes of misunderstandings:
- The speaker does not clearly express his or her ideas or thoughts
- The speaker does not articulate the message clearly or fully
- Ambiguous words, or words with a dual meaning, are used
- Assumptions (which later prove to be wrong) are made about what has been said, and ongoing words are based on this incorrect information
- Men don’t understand the essential nature of how women speak
- Women don’t understand the essential nature of how men speak
- Those individuals who use words precisely and literally don't understand how less literal people use words
- Those individuals who use words figuratively don't understand how literal people use words
- People who speak in great detail don't understand how people who generalize speak.
- People who speak in generalities don't understand how people who focus on details speak.
Misunderstandings can lead to frustration, disappointment and open expressions of anger. With a small amount of effort and perhaps some self-education, most misunderstandings and confusion can be avoided.
One of the best ways to reduce misunderstandings is for the speaker to check with the listener that he or she has understood the message.
When you are the speaker, ask the listener to summarize what you have said. This way you will know if you have been understood correctly or if you need to repeat your message. When you are the listener, you can also avoid misunderstandings by summarizing what you heard the speaker say to check for accuracy.
13. Change the topic
Changing the topic of discussion may be enough to diffuse growing tension. If the topic of conversation has led to bickering, debating, or anger, introduce a new topic. For example, if you find yourself arguing with your spouse about how to parent the children, switch to talking about politics, the weather, or something else. If it is an important topic, you can always go back to it later when you both are calm.
14. Change how you express your words
You can influence your mood by regulating how you express your words. When angry, and your best option seems to be to continue the conversation, you can reduce your angry feelings by speaking slowly, quietly, and deliberately. Doing so momentarily reduces the anger and prevents it from escalating and increasing the overall mass of anger. Keeping your words "small"—slow, quiet and deliberate—helps keep the "anger small."
15. Let the other person speak
If you are in a situation where you cannot leave the person you are interacting with, your best choice may be just to let the other person speak while you indicate you are listening.
This can prevent the two of you from getting into a destructive and angry argument.
For example, you are in an automobile and the conversation becomes heated, and you fear anger will take over. The best solution is to let the other person talk. Make simple comments to show you are listening such as, "uh ah, OK, em, etc." Nod your head to show you are paying attention and occasionally give some eye contact. Do not express any opinions, contrary explanations, or justifications that could trigger an outburst of anger.
16. Use words wisely
The majority of interactions between two committed individuals are with words. Use your mouth to ensure your words build a healthy and long lasting relationship. At times, the best thing you can do to build your relationship is to put temporarily the brakes on your mouth and simply stop talking. Doing so prevents injury to yourself and others.
Consider: Every limb and organ in your body has a purpose. Specifically, your mouth can be used for immeasurable good. However, it can also be used to hurt and destroy. There is a reason it opens and closes. Use both features—the ability to open and close—to your advantage!
Make your relationships healthy and happy. To do this, you need to select carefully and arrange your words to build happy bridges between you and your partner.
17. Behaviors and actions that stop anger
When all is said and done, the final proof of "who you are" is measured by your behavior and your actions. We have a small measure of control over how we feel, a bit more when it comes to how we think, good control over what we say, and 100% control over how we behave.
Others will judge you by your behavior, and so should you. This next chapter will discuss actions you can take to remain calm as an anger-free person.
Conclusion about anger management
Everyone has good reasons for getting angry. There are always people or situations that make it difficult for even the most patient and reasonable person to remain calm. Regardless, getting angry simply isn’t worth it. The risks and damages anger causes are far too great. Better to stay calm and peaceful with everyone.
Here are some additional anger management opportunities::
I have written two anger management books. One of the anger management books is in a written format and the other an audio format.
The written anger management book is titled, Stop Anger Workbook, Powerful Solutions to Transform Anger into Dignity, Harmony and Love. It has 26 short lessons with each lesson followed by anger management exercises.
The second of my anger management books is in audio format anger control, Anger Control, Learn how to control anger and don't let it control you. This anger management book is based on listening repeatedly two eight minute soundtracks that help you develop the thinking and feeling needed to stay calm.
Don't let your anger spoil your relationships and put your health at risk. With a small effort and for a small price you can reduce or eliminate this negative emotion permanently. Thousands of people just like you have already used these anger management books to upgrade the quality of their lives. So can you. Learn more...
Would you like to learn more about how anger injures and get some anger management help? Here are some useful links:
Anger Management Exercises, Scroll to #6, Marriage Intelligence, Abe Kass's free marriage help site.
How Anger Affects People, Australia government site
Anger Management, Tips and Techniques for Getting Anger Under Control, HelpGuid.org, a trusted nonprofit guide to mental health and well-being
Anger and health risk behaviors, Journal of Medicine and Life, US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health
Anger, Mental Health Foundation, a registered charity England
A New Study Shows the Profound Effects of Anger on Your Health..., Mercola.com, The World's #1 Natural Health Website