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What is emotional abuse in a relationship?
Watch a short video on emotional abuse and how it ruins a relationship:
Hi, this is professional marriage therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT CCHT.
Anger is the tool of abuse.
View the following scenes:
1. Bob is a bully. He is threatening his wife, Jane.
2. Frightening and intimidating Jane is emotional abuse.
3. Bob seeks to dominate Jane — including sexually.
4. Jane's instincts push her to get away from Bob; she rejects his desire to be intimate with her — she is disgusted with him and wants to be alone.
Bob believes he is a victim and because of this belief, he takes no responsibility for his bad behavior — he declares Jane the, 'worst wife.'
Anger has many faces. Anger expresses itself in many ways and is the primary tool that sustains emotional abuse.
When Bob tells Jane, she needs to find a 'new friend' because Susan, 'talks too much,' this is bullying — this is emotional abuse, and it is an expression of anger.
Bob is trying to control Jane. He is 'angry' because he does not want to share his wife's attention with someone else such as Jane's friend Susan.
Bob views Jane a 'his possession,' therefor he believes he has every right to control her.
Bob is wrong. Jane is a free and independent person and deserving of full respect and kindness. This is a God-given human right!
Jane naturally resents Bob controlling her and the implicit threat that if she does not comply with his demand to find a new friend there will be consequences, she naturally wants to distance herself from him.
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An individual chooses to live with another person expecting that he or she will improve his or her life — that his or her partner will be an asset.
Jane married Bob expecting him to be good to her — and he promised he would! However, when he did not follow through Jane no longer wanted to be with him — plain and simple! However, just walking away from a long-term relationship is not easy for many reasons.
Bob is a bully. Yet he plays innocent thinking he is the victim when Jane distances herself from him. He asserts she is a bad wife. The truth is — he is a bad husband because he is often angry with her. "I have the worst wife" he complains — but he is lying to himself!
The truth — he is the 'worst husband.'
Jane naturally rejects Bob. Not because of his personality, but because of his bullying and cruel behavior.
At one time Jane was attracted to Bob — she liked him. But that was before he turned into an emotional abuser.
Bob's efforts to take control of Jane's life has led to relationship failure. Jane wants nothing to do with him which includes romance and sex. Time will tell if they stay together.
Anger and love do not mix. Anger will always prevail. This is just the way it is. In Bob's and Jane's marriage, anger has won the day!
Bob should smarten up and understand that his life with Jane would be so much better if simply he treated her with respect and kindness. When he bullies her… she runs away from him. If he were kind and respectful, she would be attracted to him and seek his company — and then he would be content because his wife would want to be with him — even though she has friends outside the marriage.
Be smart… be kind and respectful to your partner. It is the best way to be.
There are several best self-help books in our bookstore dealing with emotional abuse. Learn more about the books that can free you from abuse.