Emotional abuse is a form of psychological abuse and occurs when one individual dominates another. This type of abuse can take many forms such as insults, criticism, belittling, name-calling, threats, and physical violence (domestic violence requires its own type of solution).
The Emotional Abuse Test is a tool to help determine if you are in an abusive relationship.
If you answer “yes” to any of the questions on the Emotional Abuse Test, there is a chance you are being emotionally abused by your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend.
If you are in a high-conflict relationship, it is important to know the common signs of abuse to determine if you are emotionally abused.
Please note: that verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, and financial abuse are all variations of emotional abuse. This professional emotional abuse quiz is based on the work of Brian Jory, Ph.D. in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
Emotional Abuse Test — 15 easy to answer questions
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FREE Bonus: Get The 12 PRINCIPLED POSITIONS To End The Abuse found at the end of this post. Print it out and use it as a guide to stop emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, or financial abuse.
Note: The results of this Emotional Abuse Test are not definitive, and for the most accurate results seek the counsel of a certified relationship specialist. The author of this site, Abe Kass, assumes no responsibility for any inaccuracies or unintended misinformation. The user of this Emotional Abuse Test and associated information does so at his or her own risk.
The Meaning of Your Emotional Abuse Test Results:
0 – 2 POINTS
Based on your emotional abuse quiz score, there is likely no emotional abuse in your relationship. You have a healthy relationship. Your partner behaves respectfully and kindly towards you. You are fortunate!
Hopefully, you also treat your partner with kindness and respect. Your relationship future looks good.
3 – 7 POINTS
Based on your emotional abuse quiz score, you are likely reasonably safe from emotional abuse, or if it is present, it is minor. However, if you and your partner are not careful, your relationship could slip into a situation where it becomes abusive.
Monitor relationship interactions that include bickering, anger, reduced romance/sex, or ignoring each other. Find out if you are in a toxic relationship and need to take preventative action to prevent abuse as explained in the section about cures for a toxic relationship.
Relationship problems that are not dealt with can become chronic, difficult to reverse, and eventually lead to a pattern of abuse.
8 – 12 POINTS
Based on your Emotional Abuse Test score, you are likely to be emotionally abused.
You are advised to make positive changes in your relationship to establish safety and prevent the abuse from getting worse. It is important to know that your partner may not intend to hurt you. They may benefit from learning relationship skills so they know how to behave properly. For example, some individuals upon learning anger management skills go on to stop their abusive behavior.
Let your partner take this emotional abuse quiz to increase their awareness of what emotional abuse is and how to avoid it. Assistance from a qualified professional relationship specialist can be of great assistance as well as self-help programs such as books, audio programs, or courses on abuse.
Consider buying my book on emotional abuse. The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know. It is easy to read, inexpensive, and available as an immediate download or as a paperback from Amazon. See below to learn more about The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.
13 and MORE POINTS
Based on your Emotional Abuse Test score, it seems like there are dangerous levels of emotional abuse in your relationship.
Your test results suggest that you find a professional who is experienced and knowledgeable on abuse to help you fully assess the levels of abuse in your relationship. You need to be certain you and other family members are safe from physical violence. After you know you are safe, you can then consider your options to free yourself from your emotionally abusive situation.
Your emotional abuser MUST change for the better if you are to have a loving, respectful, and friendship-based relationship and healthy self-esteem. However, if your abuser will not change, you need to evaluate whether you should continue to live with him or her.
The longer you remain in an abusive relationship, the greater the risk of serious injury and long-term harm. To protect yourself, and if you have children to protect them as well, you need to develop with the help of others, a realistic plan to free yourself from abuse.
Taking the Emotional Abuse Test is NOT Enough!
After taking the Emotional Abuse Test, if you learn you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to know how to stop the abuse and protect yourself and other family members. Abusive relationships will not fix themselves! However, emotionally abusive relationships can often be fixed, but only when you take appropriate action.
Know your abuser CAN change for the better IF he or she wants to. No one forces him or her to be emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, psychologically abusive, sexually abusive, or financially abusive! However, you must start the process to stop the abuse.
Note: Physical abuse or domestic violence is more dangerous than emotional abuse. Sadly, many individuals have been injured or even murdered by their partners. Physical violence or domestic violence requires special remedies and is NOT measured in this emotional abuse quiz.
What's next if You think you are in an abusive relationship?
You took the Emotional Abuse Quiz and the results indicate high levels of emotional abuse. If you are in an emotionally abusive situation, you need to find an effective way to stop this abuse! Learn as much as you can about the warning signs of abuse and the damage abuse causes. After you have become knowledgeable as to what abuse is, the next step is to take a strong stand to reject abuse and protect yourself. Read carefully the following 12 decisions YOU need to make to stop being abused.
Act Now to Stop Emotional Abuse
No one should agree to live in an abusive relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to reclaim your human right to be treated with dignity, respect, and equality. Get more help from qualified professionals:
Is it mental abuse if you tell them something secret and they say they “can’t keep this anymore” even if it’s very little? Like they’re trying to get you into trouble until you’re at a point where you’re literally begging them not to tell because it’s an important secret?
Hi Blake, thank you for your question. If the person who promises to keep the information a secret is now trying to punish you or force you to do something this could be an example of abuse. Like you said the secret is, “very little.” If the secret would actually be harming someone there is an entirely different consideration regarding what to do about it. However, as you have explained, this is not your case. I hope these few words help, Abe
Not a romantic relationship, but my grandma tried to gaslight me into hating my own father. She also hit my butt when I was bending down to get something from a cabinet. I asked her why, and she said because I can. I’m still anxious and feel like I can’t trust anyone even 2 years after these things happened. What should I do? I’m already taking anxiety meds, which are helping a little.
I am sorry this happened to you. Not knowing your age makes it very difficult for me to give you an answer. What I would suggest is you speak to another adult who you can trust and describe your situation and the surrounding details and hopefully, they can give you some good advice as to what to do to protect yourself. Take care.
Hi, I have a daughter and I am almost 32 weeks pregnant. Today my fiance of 6 years had almost 2 bottles of wine and a conversation turned into an argument. He was talking about how he was abused as a child by his own family and how he feels anger everyday about it. He was acting distant for a couple of months and I asked why before and he wouldn’t tell. Today he told me he thinks I slept with someone else when I went to visit my family out of the country and he thinks the baby is not his. I was with my family everyday!. He is been upset for the past a couple of years because I erased some sex videos he had with exes. I was told by him that if I bumped into them to delete them because he didn’t have them anymore. So he lied and so I did when I saw them, and now he says he didn’t think I would do it that he just said that to make me feel better. How can you expect me to have sex with you after you told me all those hurtful things?, I asked and he said I don’t know what you are talking about. I didn’t say anything to you. He has done this to me before. He puts me down, makes comments about my body, follows me to keep the argument instead of giving me my space specially because I am pregnant and is not good for the baby, doesn’t take blame for anything, I feel like I am losing my mind specially when he tells me I am lying that he never said anything a d he says I have issues and I need a psychologist. He wants me to move states when I have a good job and if we have a house is because I bought it. I don’t really have friends anymore. He always find something wrong with my friends and family. He tells our daughter that words have a bigger effect in people than punches. I feel drained, my self-esteem is down, I feel sad, upset, disappointed, scared. I don’t know how to get out of this situation [Edited prior to approval]
Hi Broken heart, You have listed many different problems and situations that are troubling you. These are far to many issues with far too little information for me to comment on. I suggest you spend some time with a person you trust to help you sort all of this out. Take care, Abe