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Free marriage counseling: Building and Maintaining Sexual Intimacy 

Sexual intimacy is necessary if you are to have a healthy marriage or committed relationship. It's not enough to be "connected" in other areas of your lives and live in a sexually starved marriage. A sexless marriage is at risk of many different maladies. Accepting a sexless marriage or committed relationship can lead to infidelity, anger, resentment, and even divorce.

Regardless of how long you've been married, it is essential that you keep your physical intimate life healthy, vibrant and loving. And if sexual problems arise, they are to be taken seriously and solutions are to be sought and found.

Intimacy is different for each person. Each person is turned on sexually in different ways. Combining the sensitivities and needs of two different individuals creates unique requirements for each couple. You need to be knowledgeable about sex just as you are knowledgeable about nutrition!

You and your wife or husband are different because each of you is an individual as well as you are each a different gender. Knowing what "turns you on" and what "turns on your partner" is essential information for a satisfying and loving sexual relationship.

In addition to having sexual knowledge about yourself and your partner, your expectations need to be realistic. You need to know how to approach your partner, how to share your sexual needs, feelings and sensitivity with your partner, and how to overcome sexual difficulties should they arise.

The following are some suggestions on how to gain the knowledge, skills, and expectations that will lead to a healthy, satisfying and enjoyable sexual relationship with your partner. After each topic is discussed, write down your thoughts or answers to any questions.

You may want to print this exercise for ease of use. Click the Print Friendly button above. From there you can also format this exercise into a PDF file or email it to a friend. Note: Printing from a computer works best.

Spend Couple-time Together

As a couple, it is essential that you spend time together. Without being in each other's proximity, you simply cannot build and maintain any type of intimacy. It's just like financial deposits with a bank. If you don't make any, you cannot withdraw any money. The same is with your relationship. If you don't invest time and interest, you cannot expect to feel close.

If your family is a busy one, you may need to actually schedule times to be together. Make a date night, participate in a hobby or sport together, or find other ways to hang out together. Unless you're involved with each other, having sex within an environment of neglect will likely be difficult.

List some of the activities that you and your partner can do together:

 


 


 


 

Get Physical

Being sexual requires that you have physical contact with each other. There is no other way. There are many good books and articles written about how to turn on a man and how to turn on a woman.

Since each gender is so different, it's important that you are informed with regards to how to turn on your partner with your physical touch.

If you live in a busy family, you may actually need to schedule time to be physically intimate with each other. This is completely okay; it's no big deal. Scheduling sex time is an acknowledgement of the reality in which you live. Still, look for opportunities to be spontaneously romantic. As it is said, "Variety is the spice of life."

Doing things in a different way or in a different environment can be a real turn on that enhances even ordinary patterns of sexual behavior.

Write down some personal thoughts that acknowledge the unique requirements of your marriage:

 


 


 


 

Be Gender Informed

Men and women are very different in how they each approach sex. A woman seeks romance whereas a man seeks sexual adventure.

If you are a man, sex with your wife begins hours before you actually touch each other. You need to be kind, sensitive and positive. Tell her how much you appreciate her and how attractive she is. This will turn her on, and later in the day she will have sexual passions to be with you.

If you are a woman, know that your husband gets very turned on when you touch him. Also, when you are sexual with him, it communicates to him that he is loved. This is why a man can get depressed when his wife doesn't give him sexual attention.

Write down in what ways you and your partner are different sexually:

 


 


 


 

Be Vulnerable and Share Your Passions and Desires

It may not be easy to share with your partner your sexual desires, but it is important because feeling physically close with each other and sexually satisfied is of such critical importance to the overall health of your relationship it is necessary that you understand each other.

Right or wrong, in our culture talking about sex in a respectful and sensitive way is often difficult. It might be necessary for you to write on a piece of paper what it is you like and don't like and share this information with your partner.

As a general rule of thumb, it's always best to focus on what you like rather than what you don't — however there will be exceptions. As well, encourage your partner to share with you his or her likes.

It's okay to be graphic; you are in a committed relationship and sexuality is healthy and holy. When you share intimate details about yourself, if handled sensitively and respectfully, it can bring the two of you very close with each other.

Write down five things that you would want your partner to know about your sexual passions and needs:

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Sexual Problems

Sexual problems can be a disaster for a relationship, even in those marriages where otherwise there is harmony and closeness.

Sex is like the magnetism attracting two polar opposite entities. Even when you are not being sexual, the sexual energy keeps the two of you interested in each other. Without it, marriages can become stale, cold and lifeless.

If there are problems, seek and find solutions — there can be no other acceptable way. If you need help, find a competent and caring relationship specialist to assist you. Don't let sexual problems become like an infection that spreads from one part of your body to the next until your entire relationship body is overcome with sickness.

If you have any sexual problems, write them down followed by a proposed solution: