Sexual intimacy is necessary if you are to have a healthy marriage or committed relationship. It's not enough to be 'connected' in other areas of your lives and live in a sexually starved marriage. A sexless marriage is at risk of many different maladies. Accepting a sexless marriage or committed relationship can lead to infidelity, anger, resentment, and even divorce.
Regardless of how long you've been married, it is essential that you keep your physical intimate life healthy, vibrant and loving. If sexual problems arise, they are to be taken seriously and solutions are to be sought and found.
Intimacy is different for each person. Each person is excited sexually in different ways. Combining the sensitivities and needs of two different individuals creates unique requirements for each couple. You need to be knowledgeable about sex just as you are knowledgeable about nutrition!
You and your partner are different because each of you is an individual as well as you are each a different gender. Knowing what 'turns you on' and what 'turns your partner on' is essential information for a satisfying and loving sexual relationship.
In addition to having sexual knowledge about yourself and your partner, your expectations need to be realistic. You need to know how to approach your partner, how to share your sexual needs, feelings and sensitivities with your partner, and how to overcome sexual difficulties should they arise.
The following are some suggestions on how to gain the knowledge, skills, and expectations that will lead to a healthy, satisfying and enjoyable sexual relationship with your partner. After each topic is discussed, write down your thoughts or answers to any questions.
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As a couple, it is essential that you spend time together. Without being in each other's proximity, you simply cannot build and maintain any type of intimacy. It's just like depositing money in a bank. If you don't make any deposits of money, you cannot withdraw any money. The same is with your relationship. If you don't spend time with your partner, you cannot expect to feel close.
If you have a busy family life, you may actually need to schedule set times to spend together. Make a date night, participate in a hobby or sport together, or find other ways to 'hang' out together. Unless you spend time together and feel involved in each other lives, having sex will probably be difficult because you may feel justifiably neglected.
List some of the activities that you and your partner can do together:
Being sexual requires that you have physical contact with each other. There is no other way. There are many good books and articles written about how to turn on a man and how to turn on a woman.
Since each gender is so different, it's important that you are knowledgeable how to excite your partner with your physical touch.
If you live in a busy family, just as you had to schedule time for couple time activities, you may need to schedule time to be physically intimate with each other. This is completely okay; it's no big deal. Scheduling sex time is an acknowledgement of the reality in which you live. Still, you should look for opportunities to be spontaneously romantic. As it is said, "Variety is the spice of life."
Doing things in a different way or in a different environment can be a real turn on that enhances even ordinary patterns of sexual behavior.
Write down some personal thoughts that acknowledge the unique requirements of your marriage:
Men and women are very different in how they each approach sex. A woman seeks romance whereas a man seeks sexual adventure.
If you are a man, sex with your wife begins hours before you actually touch each other. You need to be kind, sensitive and positive. Tell her how much you appreciate her and how attractive she is. This will turn her on, and later in the day she will have sexual passions to be with you.
If you are a woman, be aware that your husband gets very turned on when you touch him. Also, when you are sexual with him, it communicates to him that he is loved. This is why a man can get depressed when his wife doesn't give him sexual attention.
Write down in what ways you and your partner are different sexually:
It may not be easy to share your sexual desires with your partner, but it is important because feeling physically close with each other and sexually satisfied is of such critical importance to the overall health of your relationship. That is why you should communicate your wants and needs with your partner.
Right or wrong, in our culture talking about sex in a respectful and sensitive way is often difficult. It might be easier for you to write down on a piece of paper what you like and don't like and share this information with your partner.
As a general rule of thumb, it's always best to focus on what you like rather than what you don't like— however there will be exceptions. As well, encourage your partner to share with he or she likes.
It's okay to be graphic; you are in a committed relationship and sexuality is healthy and holy. When you share intimate details about yourself, if handled sensitively and respectfully, it can bring the two of you very close with each other.
Write down five things that you would want your partner to know about your sexual passions and needs:
Sexual problems can be a disaster for a relationship, even in those marriages where otherwise there is harmony and closeness.
Sex is like the magnetism attracting two polar opposite entities. Even when you are not being sexual, the sexual energy keeps the two of you interested in each other. Without it, marriages can become stale, cold and lifeless.
If there are problems, seek and find solutions — there can be no other acceptable way. If you need help, find a competent and caring relationship specialist to assist you. Don't let sexual problems become like an infection that spreads from one part of your body to the next until your entire relationship body is overcome with sickness.
If you have any sexual problems, write them down followed by a proposed solution: