Text of this video:
Hi, this is Couple and Family Therapist Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT CCHT.
Introducing Charlie to share with you an important relationship lesson.
Hey friend, Think you know what you want in a partner?
well...? well...? well...? Think again and again... because you don't know.
Evaluating the results of six scientific studies involving 6,500 people, psychologists have concluded it is not 'what you want' that matters, rather it is what you 'don't want' that is the deal breaker.
In plain language, this means if you behave like an 'idiot,' you are going to mess things up.
I know you associate 'idiot' with MEN!
But behaving like an idiot is an equal gender opportunity.
Women too can be 'idiots.'
Women too can be 'idiots.' The guys in the lab coats figured out that the reason you reject your partner or a potential partner is because he or she has an undesirable personality trait, differing religious beliefs, limited social status, and differing relationship goals.
Gregory Webster, one of the researchers stated:
"We have a general tendency to attend more closely to negative information than we do to positive information."
The bias for rejecting or accepting a mate depending on negative factors is stronger for women than men, (men... pay attention to the fact women are more sensitive to negative behaviour than you) and relationship rejection is more pronounced in committed relationships compared to casual relationships.
MY GOOD ADVICE FOR YOU IS... Avoid hurting your partner.
He or she will hold onto the negative interactions, and it will take a disproportionate amount of positive interactions to neutralize the negative ones.
Simply, the price of negative interactions are too high.
Avoid irritating or disappointing your partner by being:
Physically and emotionally cold
When being with your partner, give him or her give him or her warm fuzzies warm fuzzies and not cold pricklies.
and not cold pricklies. Keep your marriage and committed relationship positive, strong and healthy.
In simple words, the more 'bad behavior' you produce the deeper the hole you will dig and fall into and the more difficult it will be to climb back out.
Be well... and be good to others, Couple and Family Therapist, Abe Kass
Charlie also says goodby...
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