As a couple, important decisions should be shared. You and your partner are of equal importance, and you both need to have decision-making and veto power over important matters.
What decisions fall into the "important decisions" category must be decided by each couple. There is no magic formula. What is important to you may not be important to another couple. The main thing is that you and your spouse both agree on what is included on the "important decision" list.
Many couples would agree the following situations and plans require mutual input and agreement:
- Purchasing a home
- What type of school the children go to
- Taking or changing a job
- How to spend holidays
- Significant expenditures of money
- Buying a car
- Where to vacation and for how long
- Moving to a new location
- Inviting friends or family into the home
- Remodeling the home
However, every couple needs to decide for themselves what is on their list of "important decisions."
Outside this category of "important decisions," there is a second category identified as "delegated decisions." These are tasks and responsibilities that are mutually agreed upon by partners to divide between each other are often a very efficient and beneficial way to get things done. For example, there may be a formal or informal agreement that the husband takes care of the financial investments and the wife takes care of the children and makes small to medium decisions on her own, etc.
A third category identified as "personal decisions." This category includes minor decisions such as how many pairs of socks to buy, when to go to sleep, or to eat lunch with a business colleague or to bring lunch from home to work, etc. Trying to influence or obstruct your partner on decisions in this category would be experienced by him or her as "controlling" and are resented.
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1. Make a list of five to ten decisions that your think need to be shared and would thus fall in the "important decision" category. Your partner should do likewise.
2. When you are done writing, talk to each other about what you each consider "important decisions." See if you can both AGREE on a combined list.
3 Write your new and agreed upon list of "important decisions" that requires mutual discussion and agreement before deciding what to do or what not to do.
Those items that you agree should be in the "important decision" category are not written in concrete. You can revisit this topic at any time in the future and together with your partner review your list and if desired, change it.