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Free marriage counseling: Emotional Maturity For Committed Relationship Success

Successful marriages or committed relationships require two emotionally mature individuals. Only a mature person has the sensitivity — the awareness — to recognize the needs of another and then respond accordingly.

The measure of a mature person is that he or she can regulate his or her self-serving impulses and can put his or her partner first. Only when a person has this self-control and sensitivity can he or she make an emotionally fit husband or wife.

A personality with an immature ego that screams: "ME, ME, and ME" makes it difficult to form a successful couple-team.

Children are immature. They perceive themselves as the center of the universe, deserving of all good, and coming before all others. This is normal and healthy for children. However, as children grow up and mature they learn to control their selfish egos and eventually adjust to the existence of others. They learn to cooperate, share, and compromise.

Unfortunately, some adults hold on to their childhood. Even as adults they are self-centered, egotistical, and selfish. Their bodies grow and mature, but their emotions remain rooted in childhood selfishness.

Take the maturity audit

You may want to print this exercise for ease of use. Click the Print Friendly button above. From there you can also format this exercise into a PDF file or email it to a friend. Note: Printing from a computer works best. 

The following attitudes and behaviors are signs of emotional immaturity.

Write your impressions and feelings about yourself and your partner for each item.

When done, you and your partner should exchange lists.

Take turns discussing what you partner wrote and ask curious questions to learn more.

Then leave it at that. You cannot demand "maturity" from your partner nor he or she from you. Maturity is something that evolves overtime. Hopefully, each of you will becoming more aware of possible maturity deficits and will then be sufficiently motivated to seek the appropriate means to grow-up.

1. Has a pattern of behavior that puts oneself first?




 2. Impulsively seeks pleasure?




 3. Can’t compromise?




 4. Thinks he or she is always right?




5. Is insensitive to the feelings of others?




 6. Gets into arguments and fights?




 7. Selfish?




 8. Indulgent with material pleasures such as food, entertainment and /or sexual activity when the interest is not mutual?




 9. Can’t understand another person’s point of view?




 10. Has a difficult time listening to an opposing opinion?




 11. Is often angry when people don't agree?




 12. Is rejecting of others?




 13. Is judgmental of others?




 14. Likes to argue?




 15. Are there other examples of attitudes or behaviors that point to immaturity?




If some of the above immature attitudes and behavior are true for you or your partner, know that without emotional growth it will be difficult to form a healthy relationship. Putting your partner first is necessary for marriage success and if at this time doing so is difficult, you need to work on yourself until it becomes easy.