Free Marriage Counseling: 

Marriage and Committed Relationship Map 

This map is based on solid research in psychology, hypnosis, and education as well as my many years of direct clinical experience working with couples and individuals.

Each "letter" in the expression A-PLUS represents a set of relationship behaviors. Having an A-PLUS relationship is your goal. An A-PLUS marriage or committed relationship is loving, caring, healthy, happy, respectful, and long-lasting.

These five impactful sets of behaviors when applied correctly to your relationship, 'prove' to your partner your love for him or her, and in return will bring back to you your partner's love...

Instructions

1. Scroll down through each one of the five sets of relationship behaviors and identify where you and/or your partner are deficient.

2. Click on the link when available and a corresponding exercise will open-up in a new tab on your browser. This exercise will help you and your partner strengthen this particular part of your marriage or committed relationship that needs improvement. Note: Some exercises are used for more than one category.

3. Once you have the exercise on your device, it may be easier for you to use if you then print it on paper so you can then write your answers. To put the exercise in print format Click the Print Friendly Button.

[This page and the corresponding exercises may be shared and used by others including professionals with their clients. If they are posted on a website they must have a "do follow" link back to this site and its corresponding page. This material is copyrighted and cannot be used for commercial purposes without written consent from the author, Abe Kass]

Let's start now... 

1. ABSTAIN from "fraternizing with the opposite sex." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Infidelity
• Breaking trust
• Creating worry and fear

Click to go to this exercise:

Surviving infidelity guidelines 

Affair prevention marriage rules

 

2. ABSTAIN from making "independent decisions" on important matters. This is the solution to the following problems:

• Competitive tension
• Mistrust
• Suspicion
• Accusations
• Misunderstandings

Click to go to this exercise:

The importance of making important decisions together

How to make decisions together

 

3. ABSTAIN from "excessive use of addictive substances." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Ill-health
• Financial irresponsibility
• Abandoning the fundamental commitments of the relationship
• Putting the future of the relationship at risk

Click to go to this exercise:

Is there substance abuse in your marriage or committed relationship?

 

4. ABSTAIN from "emotional and sexual withdrawal." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Cruelty
• Suspicion
• Fear, anxiety and worry
• Infidelity

Click to go to this exercise:

Stop a sexless marriage

 

5. ABSTAIN from "secrecy." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Extreme and/or unacceptable behavior that can put individuals and the marriage at risk
• Lies and deception
• Growing apart

Click to go to this exercise:

Marriage secrecy ruins a relationship

 

6. ABSTAIN from "anger (all forms)." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Fear and "hatred" toward the one expressing anger
• Hostility being expressed in every relationship interaction
• Violence and injury
• Police involvement
• Total relationship breakdown
• Toxic environment for all family members

Click to go to this exercise:

Take a FREE Anger Management Quiz — Do you need to learn how to deal with anger? 

Learn how to identify anger and embed this awareness in your mind

Take the Emotional Abuse Test — Are you living with an emotionally abusive relationship?

Learn to forgive — End anger from the past  

 

7. PEACE requires "loyalty." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling betrayed
• Feeling unimportant
• Feeling abandoned
• Not trusting your partner

Click to go to this exercise:

Be a couple-team

 

8. PEACE requires "problem solving." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Inability to plan for the future
• Arguments about the children
• Attempts to communicate that end in misunderstanding and frustration
• Feeling "stuck"

Click to go to this exercise:

(Coming soon)

 

9. PEACE requires "realistic expectations." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Constant disappointment
• Conflict and fighting
• Relationship breakdown
• Self-esteem breakdown
• Expressions of anger

Click to go to this exercise:

Catch your partner doing something right

 

10. PEACE requires "raising healthy children." This is the solution to avoiding the following problems:

• Raising emotionally injured children
• Parents fighting about the children
• Toxic home atmosphere
• Breakdown in family peace and harmony

Click to go to this exercise:

Getting started as a stepparent 

 

11. LOVE requires spending "enjoyable time together." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling unimportant
• Living together, but lonely
• Always feeling "tense" when around your partner
• Always "bickering" when together
• No "time" for each other

Click to go to this exercise:

Acts of love

Loving and caring behavior

 

12. LOVE requires "emotional intimacy." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling alone
• Not knowing the person you live with
• Not knowing the reason you are together
• Relationship is in danger of breaking apart

Click to go to this exercise:

Romantic awareness

 

13. LOVE requires "sexual intimacy." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling unloved
• Feeling despised
• Worrying about an outside person having a romantic relationship with your partner
• Feeling unneeded
• Feeling unfulfilled

Click to go to this exercise:

How to have a sexually healthy and satisfying marriage

Fixing a sexless marriage

 

14. LOVE requires a comfortable "relationship with extended family." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Conflict between partners
• Anger and retaliation
• Interference in "the couple relationship" by outside family members
• Deep and long-lasting resentment

Click to go to this exercise:

Give your partner love through being "good" to his or her extended family 

 

15. UNDERSTANDING requires "good communication." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling unknown
• Feeling unappreciated
• Misunderstanding each other
• Feeling distant and disconnected

Click to go to this exercise:

Learn to listen

Constructive communication

Decision making communication

Practice listening — "Just listen"

Advanced communication skills

 

16. UNDERSTANDING requires "knowing who your partner is and what his or her needs are." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Not knowing "what are" reasonable expectations
• Not knowing how to please your partner
• Avoiding disappointment

Click to go to this exercise:

Make emotional needs known

Know your husband or wife 

 

17. SENSITIVITY to "roles/specialties." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Feeling out-of-sync with your partner
• Feeling unfulfilled
• Resentment
• Feeling "unfairness" permeates the relationship
• Feeling unappreciated

Click to go to this exercise:

Marriage responsibilities

 

18. SENSITIVITY requires "emotional self-management." This is the solution to the following problems:

• Fear and hatred
• Expressions of hostile interaction
• Toxic environment for all family members

Click to go to this exercise:

Evaluate emotional fitness for marriage 

 

19. SENSITIVITY requires "a willingness to take responsibility for past relationship mistakes, apologize, and make amends. This is the solution to the following problems:

• Partner's anger
• Guilt
• Reduces future relationship mistakes
• Being polarized and distant from one's partner
• A sexless marriage or committed relationship
• Relationship breakdown, separation, and divorce

Click to go to this exercise:

(Coming soon)

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