An essential part of recovering from infidelity is establishing an agreed upon set of rules that govern relationships with the opposite sex. After the affair is over, this preventative measure is necessary to make sure cheating doesn't happen again, and also so the betrayed partner can know that inappropriate relationships won't happen when away from the partner that cheated. Proper guidelines after the affair has ended are essential to reestablishing trust and feelings of security.
Discuss with your partner the following affair prevention marriage rules. Write down what you have agreed upon. These guidelines are to govern your behavior with the opposite sex. I suggest after the affair is over and as part of your recovering from infidelity, you review these guidelines several times a month for at least one year. As you develop these affair prevention guidelines, you need to be honest about your needs, transparent about what you want, and careful not to agree to anything you can't or won't actually do.
Here are our marriage rules that govern how we interact with individuals of the opposite sex when our partner is not present:
You may want to print this exercise for ease of use. Click the Print Friendly button above. From there you can also format this exercise into a PDF file or email it to a friend. Note: Printing from a computer works best.
1. Write your marriage rule for contact with a former boyfriend or girlfriend?
2. Write your marriage rule for having a meal in a restaurant or similar meeting place alone with someone of the opposite sex. Consider both "social" and "business" get-togethers.
3. Write your marriage rule for informing your partner when you are going to have or have had a social or business meeting with someone of the opposite sex.
4. Write your marriage rule for helping a business associate of the opposite sex with a personal problem.
5. Write your marriage rule for what constitutes contact (in person, phone, email, text, etc).
6. Write your marriage rule for how to proceed should someone of the opposite sex initiate contact for a social purpose.
7. Write your marriage rule for the person who betrayed, how he or she should proceed should the former outside person (the person involved in the affair) initiate contact.
8. Write your marriage rule for how to proceed when having contact with someone of the opposite sex that has not been discussed or covered in these affair prevention guidelines.
Together with your partner, you can revisit these affair prevention guidelines at any time and modify them as desired.