It is not always easy to know what to do with your emotions. Sometimes the confusion is when you first feel the emotion or the confusion can happen after the emotion has been expressed and you wonder if you have done the right thing. You may need to look to your relationship to understand why.
Circumstantial depression and low self-esteem
Sometimes circumstantial depression can numb you to your true feelings. Not feeling is a coping mechanism. Not feeling is a way to withdraw and not deal with the problems and situations in your life that are upsetting to you. However, the price you pay is high since you are left feeling emotionally confused and your naturally healthy self-esteem is slowly eroded.
For some, low self-esteem itself can cause emotional confusion. Simply, you avoid asserting your feelings, or you don't have the confidence to stand by your feelings. You second guess yourself, and you feel uncomfortable just being around others.
There are many reason for low self-esteem. Sometimes exploring the source of a low self-esteem is helpful while sometimes just building your self-esteem is enough. Read to learn more about low self-esteem
The golden rule about emotions
Instead of expressing your emotions as soon as you feel them, take some time and analyze your situation in order to determine if it is proper to express and act upon your emotions. The heart and the mind are complementary partners in that they allow a person to be fully human and experience life to the fullest. However, the mind is the gatekeeper, deciding if and when an 'emotion' should be expressed.
To use an analogy: Your emotions are like the engine of a car. The engine generates the energy needed to propel the vehicle to it destination. The mind is like the driver. The driver determines what is a reasonable destination. Both the driver and the engine work together to make automobile travel safe and efficient.
The same is true with your mind and emotions. The mind, your driver, must determine if and how emotions are to be expressed. And your emotions are the energy to fuel your body parts to carry out your will.
The following five questions are a small sample of the kinds of emotional confusion many people experience. Let's take a look:
1) If someone angers you, should you express that anger and tell the person how you feel?
Anger is a very destructive emotion. It hurts both the person who is expressing it and the person it is directed towards. What's more, anger can snowball and eventually spread until it is out-of-control. Many people have lost their families, jobs and even freedom (they are put in jail) because of anger.
2) Should you ever express anger?
Aggressive and hostile anger should never be expressed—it injures and will cause more problems than it will solve. However, occasionally controlled anger can be useful to give an accurate 'reality-check.' For example: If you need to communicate to a child that what they did was dangerous or to let your life partner know that his or her behavior is absolutely unacceptable, then it is acceptable. But remember, the only time it is acceptable to use a measured dose of anger is when you want to achieve a particular goal. It is not a way to relate to another person. If the effort does not achieve the desired result, another way must be sought.
3) Should you be loving and kind to everyone?
Yes, you should always try to be loving and kind. However, it's important to note that every emotion must be evaluated by the mind before the you expresses it. This includes even love and kindness. Love and kindness can injure if expressed at the wrong time and in the wrong situation.
For example, if a recovering drug addict asks for money to buy drugs, it is not right to give them money to support this individual in their self-destruction. Or if your teenager wants to 'hang' out with the wrong person you should prevent it.
Sometimes, one of the greatest acts of love that we can show to those we love is to say 'no'—even if we are perceived as 'mean.'
4) Some emotions are a sign of weakness. Should a person remain cool, calm, and collected at all times?
Expressing emotions, when appropriate, is healthy and constructive. Emotions help us get our needs met and stay connected with our loved ones and friends. Ignoring 'all' emotions can lead to isolation, indecision and mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc.).
5) Should I try to express my emotions in a spontaneous manner?
Spontaneous expressions of emotion can cause serious trouble. Image if you told your boss everything you felt about her without even thinking it through! Editing the way you express your emotions is absolutely necessary. On the other hand, over analyzing your feelings can create unhealthy stress and expectations. Remember, it is important to always analyze your situation with your mind in order to determine the correct emotional response, but don't second guess yourself.
Emotions are necessary and good. However, they must be controlled by the mind. Otherwise they can cause damage. Just like an automobile, which is a powerful and valued machine, but it must be controlled to be useful.
Acknowledge your emotions, evaluate why you are having them, and then consider what to do with them. You can express emotions, ignore them or learn from them—it all depends on the situation.
The circumstantial depression and low self-esteem fix
An emotionally healthy person can figure out on their own what they feel and how to respond to those feelings. However, sometimes you need to talk to a trusted friend, meditate, or journal to help you clarify your feelings.
For some, professional help may be necessary to deal with circumstantial depression and low self-esteem. At times, physiotherapy is needed to help a person regain the full range of their muscles. So too, psychotherapy may be needed to heal emotional trauma that has lowered your self-esteem and hurt your emotional health.
A properly trained mental health specialist can help you work on circumstantial depression and low self-esteem so you will have access to your full range of emotions and have the confidence and mental clarity to know how and when to express them.
As well, for many individuals an unhappy relationship is a direct contributor to low self-esteem and circumstantial depression. If this is true for you, work with your partner to fix your broken marriage or committed relationship.
You can improving your self-esteem in the privacy of your house. Purchase the self-help Strong Self-Esteem Audiobook from Amazon as a download or a CD. Listen only 8 minutes a day for an average time period of 3 weeks to acquire the skills, tools, and attitudes that build a healthy, strong self-esteem.
Learn more so you can have the best marriage or committed relationship. These best self-help books are available on Amazon.