Surviving infidelity: Be smart and prevent infidelity before it starts!
Infidelity can be prevented — and should be! Here's how to prevent infidelity.
Ask a cheating wife or a cheating husband, and they will tell you after the affair is over, that fully recovering from infidelity is not possible.
For many couples, 'surviving infidelity after the affair is over' becomes the defining characteristic of their relationship. Insecurity, suspicion, and anger never seem to go away. Sadly, the couple may be haunted years after the affair is over.
A word to the wise: Never become a cheating wife or a cheating husband. The damage to your marriage or committed relationship and and the damage to your reputation can be permanent.
For some individuals, willpower alone is sufficient to resist naturally occurring impulses to step outside the bounds of fidelity — the commitment of exclusivity you made with your partner when you chose to be a couple.
What is needed is a good strategy on how to prevent infidelity. Your willpower needs practical tools!
Thinking that only weak or bad people stray is foolish. Infidelity is far more complex than that. There are many reasons why a person becomes a cheating wife, a cheating husband, or a cheating partner.
The reasons people cheat are complex. There is no single explanation or theory that can fully explain it. The best we can say is that philanderers are human, and humans sometimes act against their own best interests.
Rather than focusing on why a person would betray his or her partner, it is better to focus on how infidelity can be prevented. How the brakes can be applied, and infidelity prevented, before lives are destroyed.
The following are five brakes (strategies) that prevent infidelity or at least substantially reduce the likelihood of its occurrence.
1. Avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex.
Secluding yourself with someone you are sexually attracted to, other than your legitimate partner, is dangerous. For example, don't visit a work colleague in his or her hotel room. Read the Loyal Spouse's Guide to avoid romantic entanglements and prevent adultery.
2. Don't drink alcoholic beverages with someone of the opposite sex.
Alcohol reduces inhibition. We all know this. A person who is intoxicated will often do things that are completely out of character. Don't get drunk and thereby remove the natural inhibitions that would prevent infidelity. Many illicit relationships begin when alcoholic beverages are being consumed.
3. Strengthen your relationship.
A strong marriage or committed relationship is preventative medicine. It will not guarantee that you will not have an affair, but it certainly will greatly reduce the likelihood. When you have a good relationship, you know that by committing infidelity you have a lot to lose and as well, you care more about your partner and betraying them will be unthinkable.
I wrote an ebook on the topic of building great relationships titled, The 8 Marriage Rules for a Passionate Marriage. These eight rules are the guiding principles that govern Marriage Builders. It is available inexpensively from Amazon.com. The 8 Rules are:
-Be Without Anger
-Honor Your Spouse
-Live With Love
Each one of these rules builds your relationship with your partner and reduces the likelihood of relationship betrayal. If you would like to purchase this book, see below for more information.
4. Consider the impact of infidelity before you start an affair.
The lies that a cheating wife, a cheating husband, or a cheating partner tell themselves are many. Among the most common are: "I won’t get discovered" and "It’s a harmless form of entertainment." In their delusion, they think they will not have to pay the price for their philandering. Not true.
Don't trust Ashley Madison and other greedy businesses that try to convince you and infidelity is safe and no one will find out. Ashley Madison's position is self-serving and false.
Most cheaters are discovered. Even when they’re not, they have to live with the demoralizing self-awareness that they’ve betrayed their life partner. Inevitably, that knowledge alone damages the relationship. As well, instead of investing their time and affections enriching their primary relationship, A cheating wife, a cheating husband, or a cheating partner allocates his or her energies elsewhere and neglects his or her legitimate and primary family.
As for infidelity being a harmless activity, nothing could be further from the truth. When you cheat on your partner, you inflict on him or her enormous emotional damage. You also devastate your children, if you have them, and everyone else who loves the man or woman you harm.
Awareness of the horrible accidents that drinking and driving causes is enough to prevent most reasonable people from drinking and driving.
So it is with infidelity. If you read and view the many reports of how emotionally devastating the fallout from infidelity is in real life, it will give you serious pause before you act on your impulse and cheat.
5. Stick to your moral code
Whether it’s a humanistic moral code or a religious code, wanting to do the right thing not only in the eyes of your family, but in keeping with the rules of a greater universal force is a powerful aid against infidelity.
While some elements of popular culture aim to glorify infidelity, those who value the conventional standards of morality which have successfully guided families for millennia will discover they are most at peace with themselves when they don’t stray from these well-established codes of behavior.
It is never safe to assume that your relationship is immune to infidelity. Good people do cheat. Instead, work daily – literally, to strengthen your marriage or committed relationship and never take for granted the priceless gift of a loving, dedicated, life partner.
Infidelity can cause everything you value to go up in flames. I have seen it time and time again. Even after the affair is over, surviving infidelity is a major challenge for the whole family. Recovering from infidelity is never a certainty.
If you have a bad relationship, get help from a trained therapist who specializes in infidelity to help you fix it or if you can think of no other solution, get a divorce. After a divorce, you can begin a relationship with whoever you want.
Infidelity is not good for a marriage — It never has been and never will be. Every marriage touched by infidelity is destroyed. After the affair is over, can the relationship recover? Perhaps yes, perhaps no.
Most often the assistance of a relationship professional who specializes in infidelity is required to help you survive infidelity. Below are sources where you can find qualified therapists.
Whatever you do — don't cheat!
Purchase, The 8 Marriage Rules for a Passionate Marriage, and get the wisdom gleaned from 25 years plus, working as a professional Marriage Therapist. Available on Amazon.