Note: When you finish taking the Toxic Relationship Quiz, get my FREE 58-page eBook, Be A Couple-Team. See below.
Hi, this is couple therapist Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT.
Let's review your, Toxic Relationship Quiz Score.
Keeping in mind Your Score, scroll-down until you find the range for your score. Then read what your 'results' mean.
10-11 points. There is none to very little toxicity in your relationship. If there is occasional criticism, you need to make sure that it remains limited.
12-23 points. Your relationship has some toxicity within it. You must take action to make sure that this toxicity is reduced. Doing nothing will likely lead to further relationship deterioration.
24-35 points. Your relationship is toxic. Your home has become very unpleasant for you and your partner. You need to confront the relationship problems you have and find realistic and effective solutions to the problems and grievances that are present.
36-and more points. Your relationship has been infected with high levels of toxicity. Immediate and decisive action to reverse what you and your partner are experiencing is necessary. Otherwise, your relationship will likely break down entirely, leading to an emotional divorce or an actual one.
Your situation may become so bad and so chronic that it may not even be possible to recover from it. Both you and your partner need to take emergency action now before it is too late.
Research has shown relationship problems have predictable patterns.*
Each one of the following four dysfunctional relationship patterns describes a level of toxicity within a relationship.
Typically, they occur sequentially with "1. Criticism," being the first. As the toxicity increases, each one of the prior toxic relationship patterns remains and becomes a stepping-stone for the following one.
Depending on your Toxic Relationship Quiz score, you will have a general idea of how many of the four patterns describes your relationship and what to look out for that indicates your relationship is getting worse.
They are as follows:
1. Criticism: In this stage, an individual is critical and judgmental of what his or her partner does. For example, a wife is constantly criticizing her husband for coming home late from work, or a husband is continually blaming his wife for spending too much money. Typically, the criticisms span a broad range of topics and activities.
2. Contempt: In this stage, both attack each other personally. Instead of focusing on "bad behaviors," as in the first stage, it has now regressed to how each sees his or her partner as "flawed" — "you are just a loser, you’re just like your father," or "you are a crazy and need a good psychiatrist."
3. Defensiveness: In this stage, personal responsibility is denied and the partner is blamed for all the problems in the relationship or his or her life.
4. Stonewalling: This final stage is characterized by withdrawing (ignoring). The individual remains silent or walks out of the room when the partner speaks. In this stage, the husband or wife feels so hopeless that they have given up all efforts to resolve issues by talking with each other.
Our Toxic Relationship Quiz measures these four types of relationship interactions that indicate how toxic a relationship is when the quiz is taken.
Note: Typically, without successful intervention, relationship problems tend to get worse over time. Thus, if this quiz indicates toxicity in your relationship you should seek immediate treatment for your problems.
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* This toxic relationship quiz is based on the research of John M Gutman, PhD. See, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, John M Gutman, PhD, and Nan Silver, Three Rivers Press, New York, 1999, page 27.